dmims Chapter 245 The Catastrophic Lesson 1 - Defense Against the Dark Arts
Chapter 245 The Catastrophic Lesson 1 - Defense Against the Dark Arts
Chapter 245 A Catastrophic First Lesson - Defense Against the Dark Arts
Ravenclaw's third-year Defense Against the Dark Arts class was scheduled for the morning of the first day of school. When Cullen, Wesley, Fabian, and Ernesto found the classroom on the second floor of the castle according to the schedule, the scene before them made the three of them, except for Cullen, gasp in shock. Ernesto even let out a clearly audible gasp.
A disdainful snort.
The classroom door was open, and the interior looked nothing like a serious place for teaching defensive dark magic techniques; it was more like Gilderoy Lockhart's personal fan club and photo studio!
The walls were covered with enormous photographs of Lockhart himself, an astonishing number. In the photos, Lockhart struck various "heroic," "dashing," and "charming" poses: some held wands, poised for a duel against what were clearly prop "monsters"; others smiled back from the edge of "precipitous" cliffs; still others flashed his signature, blindingly bright eight-tooth smile at the camera. Even more absurdly, these photos weren't static; they moved! In the photos, Lockhart would enthusiastically wink, wave, and even blow kisses to the students entering the classroom! Twisting, colorful stars and heart-shaped bubbles, conjured by magic, floated on the ceiling.
The podium was set up like a stage, covered with a deep purple velvet cloth. A rich,...
The scent of cologne is cloyingly sweet.
"Merlin's—lace-trimmed panties!" Wesley's mouth dropped open, stunned and somewhat incoherent by the "spectacular" display. "Did he bring Honeydukes Candy Store and the cheap trinket shops from Diagon Alley?"
"Vulgar." Ernesto's assessment was succinct and cold, his gray eyes burning with rage. "This is a desecration of the temple of knowledge! The Christmas hall is a hundred times more solemn than this! He is simply tarnishing Ravenclaw's reputation!" He deliberately lowered his voice, but every word was like ice.
Fabian pushed up his slipping glasses, his brow furrowed, trying to understand the arrangement from an academic perspective: "Perhaps—it's meant to create—a relaxed learning atmosphere? To reduce students' fear of Defense Against the Dark Arts?" But even he himself felt that this reason was untenable, and looking at those flirtatious photos, he felt a wave of nausea.
Karen didn't speak, only expressionlessly scanning the room before walking straight to a less "shiny" corner seat at the back of the classroom. Lockhart himself stood in the center of the "stage," like a king surveying his territory, accepting the adoring gazes of several girls with a bright smile. Within him, the thin, chaotic flow of magic was even more pronounced than it had been in the auditorium the day before. He seemed to be trying to manipulate it, attempting to project a stronger "aura," but this only made his already weak magic appear even more restless, like a candle flame flickering futilely. Superficial and hollow, all show and no substance.
Students gradually entered, most letting out excited whispers and exclamations, captivated by the "star-studded" classroom and their idols. Only a few boys, like the Ravenclaw quartet, wore expressions of confusion and embarrassment, but not yet disdain.
The school bell rang. Lockhart cleared his throat and spoke in his specially trained, magnetic, and captivating voice, loud enough to drown out the soft popping of the bubbles floating on the ceiling: "Welcome! Welcome to the new school year's Defense Against the Dark Arts class! I am Gilderoy Lockhart, a third-class Sergeant of the Order of Merlin, an honorary member of the League Against the Dark Arts, and a five-time winner of the Wizarding Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award—but! None of that matters!" He waved dramatically, as if brushing away those "insignificant" honors, "What matters is that from today onward, I will lead you on a wonderful journey to become true wizard adventurers! For that, we need to know where we begin!"
He magically produced a large stack of test papers from under the podium, a kind smile on his face saying, "I'm doing this for your own good." "So, I've prepared a little test for you all! Don't be nervous! It's not meant to stump you, but to test whether you possess the basic qualities of a great adventurer—that is, attention to detail!" He waved the test papers, making a rustling sound.
The exam papers were distributed. Karen received hers and quickly glanced at it. The questions were as follows:
1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?
2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest wish?
3. What do you think is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?
4. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday? What would be his ideal birthday present?
5. In Gilderoy Lockhart's "Wandering with Ghouls," what spell did he use to subdue the angry ghouls of Cadmus Castle?
6. In "Vacation with the She-Ya-Ku", how did Gilderoy Lockhart persuade the She-Ya-Ku of Ouagadougou to stop attacking the village?
7. What is Gilderoy Lockhart most afraid of? (Hint: See Chapter 3 of *Walking with Trolls*)
The three full pages of parchment were densely packed with questions about Lockhart's personal preferences, details of his writings, and his adventurous "experiences." Not a single question touched on basic defensive spells, the characteristics of dark magic creatures, or practical combat techniques.
The classroom erupted in uproar. Many students, especially those from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, wore expressions of disbelief.
"What—what is this?" Wesley stared at the exam paper, as if it were crawling with vixens. "Defense Against the Dark Arts? Or is it the 'Giddro Lockhart Fan Beginner Exam'?"
Ernesto's face darkened completely. His knuckles, gripping the exam paper tightly, turned white, and his lips pressed into a cold, straight line. Without hesitation, he picked up his quill, dipped it in ink, and then, in the most prominent position on the first page, drew a huge, almost half-page-long, powerful X! Next, he flipped to the blank space on the back of the paper and, with lightning speed, wrote a line in extremely ornate and elegant cursive script: "True masters of magic focus on the truth of the world and the essence of magic, not on indulging in self-aggrandizing details. Professors are advised to demonstrate their own monster-fighting prowess before instructing others on attention to detail."
After finishing writing, he tossed the quill into the ink bottle with a crisp "plop," crossed his arms, leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes, and adopted an attitude of out of sight, out of mind. This action drew admiring yet worried glances from several Ravenclaw classmates around him.
Wesley scratched his head, feeling utterly overwhelmed by the book titles and chapter prompts. He'd spent the summer playing soccer and Quidditch training, and hadn't even opened a single Lockhart book. "Favorite color? Merlin knows! Probably gold? The same color as his hair and teeth?" He scribbled "gold" next to the first question. "Greatest wish? Probably to win ten more Charming Smile Awards?" He drew a smiley face next to the second question. "Greatest achievement? Writing seven books full of nonsense?" He hastily wrote "writing books" next to the third question. Flipping to the questions about specific book contents, he was completely lost. Only in the "What is Lockhart most afraid of?" section, with a mischievous grin, did he write "The Mirror of Truth?"
Fabian, on the other hand, embodied his Ravenclaw scholarly spirit. He frowned, trying to recall the contents of the Lockhart books he had been forced to read during the summer, attempting to find the answer.
Karen quickly scanned all the questions without expression. Then, he picked up a quill, dipped it in ink, and began to write.
His movements were fluid and swift, without any hesitation.
Question 1: What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color? Answer: Troll snot green.
Question 2: What is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest wish? Answer: To become the sole user of all the mirrors at Hogwarts.
Question 3: What do you think is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date? Answer: Successfully persuading publishers to publish seven imaginative books.
Question 7 (What is Lockhart most afraid of?): Answer: Silent readers and sober critics.
He quickly filled in the answers, and then, like Ernesto, put down his pen and waited for the agonizing class time.
Half an hour later, the exam papers were collected. Lockhart stood on the podium with a broad smile and began grading them in class. As he read, he let out exaggerated sighs and exclamations.
"Oh, Merlin! This is terrible!"
"Unbelievable! Such a simple question!"
Lockhart ignored the hisses from the students under the lectern and continued his performance, picking up another exam paper (which happened to be Ernesto's). His smile instantly froze. He stared at the huge X and the ornate, cursive annotations on the back, his face turning from red to white, then to ashen. His lips trembled, as if he wanted to explode, but he forced a twisted smile and said dryly, "Ah—it seems this Mr. Ernesto Griffith—is—quite—unique. But before criticizing others, it's best to prove you have the right to criticize, isn't it?" He tried to defuse the situation with humor, but the underlying anger was clear to everyone.
When he saw Karen's exam paper, his brow furrowed even more. "Troll snot green? Silent reader? — Mr. Hawthorne, it seems your sense of humor — is quite unique." He offered a weak comment, hastily gave it a low score, and tossed it aside.
After reviewing the papers, Lockhart concluded with a heavy heart: "Students! This has shocked and saddened me greatly! Except for a few, your attention to detail is far from sufficient! How can this be? An excellent wizard must always maintain keen observation! To deepen your understanding—"
As if by magic, he produced another of his own books—"The Magical Me." "Let's have an immersive experience! I'm going to read aloud a very exciting passage from my book, describing my thrilling experience of outsmarting a venomous horned beast in the Peruvian jungle! Then, I need a few students to come up and act out the scene! To recreate that tension and excitement!" He enthusiastically opened the book, cleared his throat, and began to read aloud with dramatic intonation and dramatic flair.
After the reading, Lockhart selected several girls who had eagerly raised their hands and one unfortunate Hufflepuff boy who had been dragged up, assigning them the roles of "the panicked guide," "the ferocious unicorn," and "the valiant Lockhart" (with Lockhart himself playing himself). The scene immediately descended into chaos, filled with awkward laughter, clumsy gestures, and Lockhart's exaggerated commands.
"No, no, darling, the venomous beast needs to be even fiercer! Yes, roar! Show your fangs!"
"Mr. Carter! Director, you need to show despair! Yes, crouch down, cover your head! Very good!"
"And I! The valiant Gilderoy! Will step forward! Wand raised high! And utter that decisive spell—collapse!"
To enhance the effect, Lockhart decided to demonstrate the "decisive knockout" himself. He struck what he thought was a very cool pose, pointed his wand at the girl playing the unicorn, and loudly proclaimed, "Knockout!"
All eyes were on the tip of his wand.
However, the expected red beam did not appear. The tip of the wand only emitted a very faint, hissing sound, a pitiful cluster of orange-yellow sparks, smaller than a birthday candle flame. The sparks flickered and then went out, leaving not a trace of smoke. Throughout the entire process, Karen's "Eye of Truth" clearly captured that Lockhart's already meager magical power, at the moment the spell was uttered, surged towards the wand in an extremely scattered and weak manner, like a punctured balloon, and then completely dissipated less than an inch from his body, failing even to complete the most basic magical shaping, producing only a negligible amount of heat and light.
An eerie silence fell over the classroom.
The girl playing the unicorn froze, her狰狞 (zhengning - ferocious/hideous) expression frozen on her face. Mr. Carter, crouching on the ground, looked up blankly. The other students, including the girls who had just been looking at him with adoration, stared in disbelief at Lockhart and his wand, which was now only emitting a few sparks.
Lockhart's smile froze, a flicker of panic crossing his eyes. But he reacted quickly, immediately masking it with a loud laugh, even dramatically waving his wand as if the sparks were some amusing amusement: "Hahaha! Looks like my old wand is being a bit mischievous today! But no problem! The important thing is the aura!"
It was that kind of unwavering courage and wisdom! He forcefully steered the conversation back to his flawed "script," "Alright, students, let's continue! Mr. Carter, your sense of despair needs to be intensified—"
However, the atmosphere in the classroom had completely changed. Whispers hummed in the air, and doubtful and disappointed glances were silently exchanged among the students.
The school bell rang out like heavenly music, breaking the suffocating and awkward atmosphere.
"Ah! Time flies!" Lockhart exclaimed, as if granted a reprieve. "Hmm—very good! A very—uh—vivid hands-on experience! I'm sure everyone remembers it well! Next class we'll continue to explore the true meaning of adventure! get out of class dismissed!"
The students practically fled the classroom.
In the corridor, Wesley could no longer contain himself. He slammed his fist against the cold stone wall, his voice rising with anger and disappointment: "This is dumber than being stepped on by a troll! Merlin's lousy socks! Is he really a wizard? That 'fainted' thing was just a few sparks! And he's a Ravenclaw graduate?"
"Is Sorting Hat an idiot?" He was so angry that his face turned red.
Ernesto's face was so dark it seemed to drip water. He strode forward as if he wanted to get away from that disgusting classroom immediately: "A disgrace to Ravenclaw! An utter disgrace! He has tarnished the name of wisdom!"
"I'll write to my father and grandfather when I get back and tell them what a shameless clown Hogwarts has hired!" His voice trembled slightly with extreme anger.
Fabian pushed up his glasses, his face ashen, his voice filled with despair: "It's over—Defense Against the Dark Arts this semester—it's over again. Expect him to teach us how to defend against the Dark Arts? I doubt he can even handle Cornish elves! Merlin, why is it always this subject that gets hurt?" He could almost see his own dismal future in Defense Against the Dark Arts during his O.W.L. exams.
Karen walked beside them, listening calmly to his roommates' anger and complaints. He glanced one last time at the entrance to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, still gleaming with its flamboyant light, and summarized succinctly, his voice clear to the three: "Complaining won't solve anything. Looks like we'll have to rely on self-study and the Eagle's Nest for this course again. At least we know where to spend our time." He patted the seamless stretch pouch at his waist, where another pressing problem lay dormant—Tom Riddle's diary. Compared to Lockhart's ridiculous antics, that was the real darkness that required his effort and strength to confront.